My Story
The after effects of bullying don’t stop just because the semester is over or people graduate. Depending on the severity of the bullying it can last a lifetime. I’m sharing my story and thoughts in hopes that this can help a parent who may be watching their child suffer or a child who is going through this. The key to helping the bullied child is to listen, believe, and act on it.
20 years ago I had to switch schools back in 1984 because of 4 white boys and 1 girl who bullied me to potential self harm. In 1984/1985 there was no internet, cell phones, and extra things to use for bullying. There were words, hands, and other humiliations like dumping my purse on the floor and taking my maxi pads and taping them to the chalk board and writing my name next to them.
There was passing around a piece of paper that everybody signed with something demeaning and degrading written on it and then slipped into my locker. There was calling me a nigger, nigger gal, stupid nigger, telling me I was a worthless stupid black piece of trash and reciting on a daily basis that I should have been aborted, telling me I am nothing. Calling me a test tube baby, douche bag, telling me to go back to Africa and referring to me as monkey, jungle money, a roach and a cow pie. These things were always done in front of others who encouraged the abuse. It was humiliating and shaming for me on a daily basis.
There was physical bullying going on too such as being pushed, slapped in the forehead. Books slapped out of my hands and laughed at. Tripped in the hallway and the desk being flipped with me in it and tearing up my school project which of course landed me an F. This was done in front of other kids and teachers. I was driven to tears on many occasions with the public humiliation they planned for me. My tears and screaming at the top of my lungs for them to leave me alone seemed to please them greatly. They just laughed and joked about it.
I told all school officials and my family for months on end. I was not taken seriously. The verbal and physical abuse continued every day at school.
Feeling like nobody cared I started hitting them back when they hit me. Pushing them back when they pushed me. Yelling back at them when they yelled at me. Insulting them when they insulted me. They threw my books. I threw their books. One boy kicked me and I kicked him right back. Anytime I tried to fight them back they stepped up the bullying and humiliation to higher levels and walked away laughing only after I was in full tears. They got a kick out of my crying.
The public shaming continued on a daily basis while my tears continued to flow from aggravation. My anger grew and grew while my self-esteem and self-worth plummeted to very very low levels. They stepped it up a level with throwing a basketball in my face at PE and breaking my glasses which cut my nose. Then they laughed and said “look at the monkey”
That was a breaking point. I fought all of them back in an exploded rage. I did some damage to 1 person. An emergency room was needed for her. I will not say what I did but she lived and came back after her suspension. While she was in ER the other bullys cried foul, on me, in the principal’s office. Then, I was the one who was in trouble for fighting back.
All of that could have been avoided if I had been listened to in the first place. And if the complaints against them were taken seriously and investigated and a stop put to it before insurance claims had to be filed.
Final result, I no longer wanted to go to school or even wanted to live. I saw no way out and no one was helping me or stopping them from the daily physical and verbal abuse. And I did NOT want to return to that school under any circumstances. The bullies were still there waiting.
I ended up switching to a new school because of them. And because nothing was done about them, and apparently nothing was going to be done about them and never was. And nothing was told to me about how to handle bullies at the new school.
After I left that school the 4 white boys targeted the Jewish girl. They sought her out every morning to call her a “Stinking Jew”. After weeks of torment they put pictures of the Holocaust on her locker with a note that said, “Go back to Auschwitz!” she ended up leaving in tears. She had complained to the school as I had done and nothing was done about anything. The school turned a blind eye to both of us while the bullies were protected 100%.
Why did we have to switch schools and re-adjust our whole life while the bullies remained in the school to continue targeting others? And they did target others. Other kids left the school because of them.
Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? Why do the bullies always seem to win?
There are kids today going through worse situations than I did. This bullying situation can be prevented if we all work together and take action by forcing the schools and the bully’s parents to take action against these kids.
Because of that 1984 fight and other factors that were happening to me at age 14 I decided then that I would never allow myself to be bullied or intimidated again by anybody. The first sign of anybody trying to intimidate, bully or overpower me will result in a nothing short of a riot. I do not, cannot and will not allow it!
What do we do?
Bullying is nothing new. It’s in the Bible starting with Cain and Abel. Bullying is easier to do now with Facebook, Instagram, Smartphones and everything else. How do we stop these kids from bullying others?
First we have to access possible the causes and then look at possible solutions.
Potential Causes of Bullying:
#1. The school very seldom addresses the parents of the bully. They tell the bully to stop and that’s supposed to do it. So the bully continues because nothing is being enforced.
#2. When the school does address the problem with the parents, the parents refuse to believe that gold-dripping Johnny or Susie is doing any such thing. Therefore it’s dismissed.
#3. Parents do not know the signs that their child is being bullied. Or they don’t think it’s not that big of a deal. Or they think the child is embellishing what happened. Therefore it’s not investigated until somebody is seriously injured or worse.
#4. Some parents actually encourage their child to be a bully under the get them before they get you theory.
#5. Some parents see bullying as a right of passage. It’ll make the kid less soft if he’s bullied. Let him/her learn how to fight so they can get along with this world.
#6. Parents do not know they have the right to file against the school or take civil suits out against the principal and teachers. That right can be exercised if they have complained that their child is having a problem and it’s not being addressed.
#7. Weak administration. They are afraid of the students or afraid of losing their job so they let the bullying continue.
#8. The bully is the child of an important citizen such as the Mayor, or Basketball Player, or nephew of a historical rights activist, or the daughter of a State Senator. Therefore, its off-limits to tell on the bully.
#9. The person being bullied could also be a child abuse victim and has no peace of mind before coming to the school. And then has to face the bullies after being abused that morning by a parent. Feeling rejected at home and at school the kid ends up snapping by bringing a loaded gun to school or some other weapon. Or hanging themselves. School officials need to know the signs of an abused child and take action before kids start killing.
#10. The bully could be an abused child and comes to school to feel empowered by abusing others because he/she has no control or power at home.
#11. An unidentified mental illness such as sociopathy, psychopathy, or a brain injury that is truly causing the behavior. Parents must admit that their child has a mental condition and get him help. Denying it hurts the child more than anybody else.
Those are just a few examples of possibilities for the situation.
What options do we have for results?
It should be mandatory that all reports of any bully be taken seriously and investigated thoroughly. No exceptions!
The Three Strikes Rule is a good option.
#1. First Strike – The first time the bully is reprimanded it should be mandatory that he/she should be suspended until the parents come in for a conference with the school board lawyer, the principal, school counselor, and the bully. It should be clearly stated what is acceptable and what is not. They all should have to sign a paper stating that they understand that this will not be tolerated at the school and what will happen if the inappropriate bullying behavior continues. It is then filed in the county courthouse as a warning.
#2. Second Strike– If the same bully is back again for a second offense then a second suspension should occur. During that suspension a case worker should be assigned to go to the bully’s home and see if there is a home situation fueling the bully’s behavior. The bully should also have to speak with a police officer to give him an insight as to what can happen if he doesn’t straighten it up. Mandatory 6 week behavior counseling should be assigned to the whole family, and they must go, or the bully cannot return to that school. This should be noted with the file already in the courthouse.
#3. Third Strike – He or she is out! The bully is expelled and cannot return to that school. The parents should be notified by the lawyer in writing and it will be filed at the county courthouse with all other documentation as to how they tried to resolve the problem and why it was not resolved. The parents must sign or face 1 day in jail. When released they still need to sign the paper. If they refuse to sign they face another day in jail. (the jail thing may be harsh but how else will you get the bully’s parents attention)
The school needs to take this seriously, otherwise, nothing will change. Parents of the bullied child need to use their rights as parents and file suit. The parents of the bully need to be accountable for the situation and resolving it or face consequences of having the bully removed from the home.
Other Idea
Bully Fees
If the Bully insist on disturbing class and not wanting to learn and has been put on notice and ends up on some sort of suspension then his/her parents must pay a fee each time the bully starts up. This will be court ordered.
$100 Family disturbance fee: The Bully’s parents will pay this to the family for pain and suffering of the target.
$200 School Fee: The Bully’s parents will divide equally between school board and the school for their child wasting the school and other children’s learning time. And for any compensation for anybody having to take off work for somebody else’s child who cannot behave him/herself.
$500 – $1000 Court Fee: The Bully’s parents pay this to the family to cover court fees from filing or hiring a lawyer against their kid.
$100 Fool Fee: Optional Fee. The Bully’s parents pay this for their child acting a straight up fool around the clock.
If the fees are not paid the child is not allowed back into regular school. Alternative School is where he/she will go so that normal kids can live in peace.
If parents have to pay or continue to pay $1500 or more because they failed at raising their child maybe they’ll think about being a real parent for a change.
Protecting All Kids Should Be Our Goal
Making excuses for the bully or punishing the child in the receiving end is beneficial to no one.
The bully does not have the problem by himself. It’s the whole family that has the problem, therefore, they all must receive help in order for the bully to improve and be a productive citizen. It starts at home.
The person being bullied is often ignored. Minors have no voice in a court of law. An adult has to help them. If the helping adult is not a parent then the complaint cannot be taken.
In some cases, the parent dismisses the whole situation. That leaves the minor back at square one with no help and feeling out of options.
When a young person is out of options, no one is listening, and the child has no voice according to the law and the situation intensifies and hope is lost; 1 of 2 things happen:
1. Lash out at the offender who is repeatedly offending which can be deadly if a loaded gun or knife is brought to school.
2. Self-harm by self cutting, addictions of some sort or contemplating suicide or actually committing it.
Listen to the kids when they tell you they are being bullied and stop making excuses not to hear them.
Do NOT wait until a kid is hanging dead in a closet or from a ceiling fan or a coroner is called to a school before you say, “I should have listened” or “I didn’t know” or “Nobody told me”.
QuannaJace 